LYRICS

forget

coming down and along, love of mine
we will always remain intertwined
adrift in the rush of blood to our heads
and filling our guts like butterfly nets
and torn at the seam, we won’t forget

and every now and again a passerby
will remind me of you and you of I
and knit in our hearts is all we have left
a tapestry hung of memories kept
that we can’t unweave and we can’t forget

sew the fibers of our pride
wept the current from our eyes
empty canvas painted white
we lead only parallel lives

habit

pull you in like the smoke from a first drag
feel you burning like fire in my chest
all of you lingering in light before I breathe you in again
we are all that I swore would never happen
and still you devour me
like a habit embraced
like a burden kept close
I draw you in me
and let you go
love only lingers if you let it go

eyes

so who’s to say that we had sailed the roughest seas
before we even knew the meaning of defeat?
while you were half awake and I was half asleep
I rode a current toward the end of you and me

and at the long, contrived horizon of our life
I know it’s oh so wrong, but her eyes are what I saw
leading me astray

and I guess I am never going to see where the empty bottle leads
and I know I am never going to be the person that you saw in me
through those eyes

shiver

shiver, shake at the thought of it
buckle and break in the face of the things you’ll miss
quiver, quake like your trembling lips
one mistake by the grace of your fingertips
can’t decide if I’m done deciding
if a feeling defines me
if it’s never about what I want
and it’s about what I need

shiver, shatter all that you have left
let regret be the noose tied around your neck
quiver, now’s the only chance you’ll get
don’t be swayed by what you have to say about it
I’ve decided I’m done deciding
if a feeling defines me
if it’s never about what I want
and it’s about what I need
so I take another step into your direction
and become the break in our boundary
and I feel a slip as I loose my grip
on our love and learn as long as I breathe
you’re what I need

house and home

out on the corner of my favorite street
is a house and a home crumbled down to my feet
the window I prayed I’d look out of someday
broken like my dream and the glass swept away
and I’ll remember it all of my life
but I’ll never know what was inside

with wonder I wandered amongst the debris
and imagined the moments that had yet to be
like watching the wallpaper fall from the wall
and the quaint conversations we’d have in the hall
I cried in the silence of words never formed
from the mouth of a child that wouldn’t be born
then walked through the doorway and out on my own
to a house on a street that would never be home

and I’ll remember you all of my life
but I’ll never know what’s inside

 empty canvas

I see myself in you, reflected
you try to reproduce what I did
you trace my pattern trying to be candid
but all that you create is not quite right
you draw your hands across an empty canvas
your fingers paint a scene so dull and lifeless
and all the color worn from me is pointless
because all you’ll ever be is black and white
and I’ve become your something
in a photograph of nothing
left hanging in the dark
and I am always with you
even if you didn’t want to
you’ve framed my work of art
and even though the negative was cut and replaced
I’ll develop into what cannot be erased
and you’ll develop into nothing
and your whole life, forever spent
to be what hasn’t happened yet

color worn

you fold the fabric of your lie
and hang it up on a clothesline
to never wear again
while I sew the fibers of my pride
to cover me in the afterlife
to bury my own skin
and all you are is anonymous
and all I am is another one

as you roam the streets like it’s your right
and break the windows to try and find
another for your sin
I paint my home on the outside
remind myself that I shouldn’t mind
the color worn within
and all you are is anonymous
and all I am is another one

oh what I’ve become in the face of doubt
a seamstress mending a beggar’s shroud
before I succumb to the thread I’m bound
I’ll tear the life from your open mouth

lifeless like this, trying to pretend nothing happened
in fear that you’ll walk into someone’s garden
all while I lament that all they are is another one

oh what I’ve become in the wake of doubt
a seamstress rending a beggar’s shroud
alone I succumb to the thread I’m bound
I find you rapt in a bed you found
if only not to fear you now
I tear the life from your open mouth and take it
I need to erase you...

and now can you see the color worn in me?
the more that you bleed, the more I am free.

fade

I want an eden of flowers
I want the beauty to blossom here in bloom
but don’t want to grow them from our wounds
I want to last in the hour
of summer heat when the sun beams on your face
but can’t shake the cold of winter days

so the petals wilt away
and the blue skies dull to grey
and I wish I hadn’t left our love to fade

I want to live without aging
I want to swim in the fountain of our youth
but I know I’ll wane inside of you
I want to love you forever
I want to know like the always in your eyes
but I only know how to say goodbye

so our bodies wilt away
and our flush skin dulls to grey
and I wish I hadn’t left our love to fade

penny

saw a penny in a stream
shining bright from underneath
but you never thought yourself a thief
so you went ahead and let it be

saw an apple in a tree
stole away among the leaves
had a thought that you would plant the seed
but you couldn’t seem to bury me

the copper coin will drift away
the fruit will fall to rot someday
you won’t recall a word I say
I guess it really doesn’t matter

when I’m gone are you going to miss me?
are you even listening?
do you even care about anything at all?

I should have known you’d break my heart
I should have seen it from the start

left behind

are you going to take his name
and is it going to feel the same?
I know that you still believe
you’ll be coming back to me
smile in the mirror of mine
even though your love is blind
stare into the break of dawn
and tell yourself you can’t move on
but how long can you wait for happiness again
wrapped beneath the warmth of his skin?
love is but a pain that only we assign
and even in a perfect life, we still die
we don’t ascend to the sky
we don’t float toward the light
we are gone but we’re not forgotten
and how long can you wait for happiness again
wrapped beneath the warmth of his skin?
love is but a pain that only we assign
and even in a perfect life, we still die
so are you going to take his name
and is it going to feel the same?

parallel lives

we stand beside one another
decided to never be close
we learn the language of lovers
a stranger to all that we know
in excess and example
how novel the one we regard
though we long to resemble
we only become who we are

we stay entwined with each other
but couldn’t be further apart
we die denying the flutter
of fervor we feel in our hearts
how uncommon the ember
of memory burned and forgot
left to always remember
that we couldn’t be what we’re not
and all we seem to be
are parallel lives caught crossing.

bloom

i’ve destroyed a perfect path
broken by what i could not forget
so i’ll become everything i hate
and i will turn forever in my grave

if we’re born with the burden of a heart we’ll never mend
and we live at the feet of mountains we cannot ascend
and we’ll die with regret for what we wouldn’t let begin

then i’ll cast my righteous skin and damn what remains
until the curse is coursing through my veins
and i’ll bloom and breathe, awake to what we’ll never be
breed disease to tear apart a memory
but i can’t forget to remember

desolation isn’t real if there’s nothing left to feel

we’re all born bearing the weight of time
we all live clamoring to survive
and we all die longing to feel alive


persist in delusion

you meant to start again
without a single shred of doubt
and offer a fix you knew was fleeting
the failure in you repeating

you brought upon the end
in faith you’d never be the same
but you can’t erase yourself in silence
and still be awakened by it

don’t cry when everything that you love
falls apart and all you had is gone

tell yourself to let go
of what you can’t control
and all of this time you said you wouldn’t
yearn for a life you know you shouldn’t
but all that you’ve ever known is breaking
because of the reason you’ve forsaken

don’t cry when everything that you love
falls apart and all you had is gone

all we had is a lie, come to find out

not my blood

here’s my chance to break contract, to exist without the lie
that we’ll live to be something more than feeling deep inside
but i’m worth only numbers for the bearing of your pride
and i only live to be alive, i only live to be alive

you don’t know a god damn thing about me but you still tear out my heart
like you know that everything i have within me is just waiting to start again

here we will conform to all the faults of the past
where you reap what we sow and our ideas aren’t ours to have

someday you’ll get what we deserve
the profit you had never earned
will be the deficit you cannot comprehend
and as you rake in your return
we’ll loathe the lesson never learned
that bottom lines won’t ever satisfy demand
for what could have been


light the first page

i once dreamt that happiness was written in us all
and every line was beautiful and infinite withal
now i’m bound with emptiness that no one else could know
and all my words are stolen like the life i led before

and every piece of me is scribbled
on a note that no one cared to read
sentenced to be free of any meaning
and i can only come to be on pages
torn from me long before they’re worn
and i’ll die before i’m born


the thing that would save you

i remember thinking how this medicine would be the thing that would save you
and now i’m finding out it’s never bringing back the person i once knew
so will you look inside and see the life they’ve buried deep in your conscience
and learn they couldn’t hide the will to be the everything for yourself that you’ve been to me

you won’t cut deep enough to scar the person you are
and who you are is more than voices in your head are drowning out

and here you are again, the same existence flawed by what you could not be
and i have never been so terrified of losing someone i love to their own disease
but i can’t be the one who can save you from yourself

don’t you break your heart, i don’t want to see you grind your pulse to a halt
you can’t come this far just to never know if this was ever your fault, because it never was

you won’t cut deep enough to scar the person you are
and who you are is more than voices in your head are drowning out
 

nothing you’ll miss

i don’t know who you are or how you live with this
and now only sleep will bring you back to me again
just like everyone who sins
you’re just buying time before the end begins

i don’t know who i am or how i live this lie
and not even sleep can bring me back to you this time
because it’s all i’ve ever been
i’m just getting by before the end begins

at last the loneliest of them

darkness let us leave
common and quiet
without even a mark
daylight let us see
we’ve already lost it
everything we are

at each dawn we resign to a setting sun
and we sleep through the light when the morning comes
because no one held the flame of the curious
and we’ve all lost the thing that would save us from ourselves

compelled to cast from our minds
the remnants left of our kind
the day the message was sent
when we saw infinity end

darkness let us leave common and quiet
daylight let us see we’ve already lost it

now we sing the song that never came to be
the constant hum of meaningless defeat
the sound of thought deserting me to die
the fading path to ever knowing why
a thousand ends with nowhere to begin
the pull of death awakening within
i am at last the loneliest of them
but i won’t repent for what i’ve done
and i can’t forget what i’ve become


born dead

we all roam the same aimless road
to closure we’ve all been told
will burn with the most blinding light
that we never could see why
we all die longing to feel alive

someday we’ll close our eyes
with no one to tell goodbye
while clung to the faintest of hope
we’ll gasp at the end alone

i can’t break the hands of time
i’ll never take back what was mine
we all die longing to feel alive
 

marrow

i’m more alive than i’ve ever been in my whole life
knowing why you’ll always leave me dead inside
i want the pain of loneliness in me again
i want the end, i want to know where i begin

so break my pride, i know that it’ll be alright
i’m just fine knowing that we’re going to die
because all i need is everything to change in me
all i need is everything i’ll never be
 

low

i thought i was meant for something more than where i reside
in the space between the cracks along the floor
and i couldn’t know what i’d become buried deep inside
in a place that i’ve never been before

i’m losing whatever made me breathe
whatever made me feel alive
and i’m losing whatever made me dream
of anything but fear in my heart
i’m losing me

in a hole far to deep to let go
i am growing my last hope
down so low, you can’t know what it’s like
to not know what you want anymore
i’ve found a home in rain and loam
an escape from the flowers we’ve grown on
and i’ll explode far before we could know
what what it’s like to not want anymore

i’m losing whatever made me breathe
whatever made me feel alive
and i’m losing whatever made me dream
of anything but fear in my heart
and i’m losing whatever i believed
would carry me along in the dark
i’m losing me

down this low you can’t know what it’s like
to not know what you want anymore


again at the beginning

i was born a well laid path
as sure as all the best drawn maps
and i pioneered my way
while the world around me crumbled and decayed

and i'm afraid i am the architect
of all that a moment's haste has laid to waste
here in the rubble of my regret i'll rebuild again
in time every part will be where we will intend

from the ruins of a long condemned design
i will form the plan to reconstruct this life
i will live to be something
we’ll rebuild again and this time every part will be where we will intend.

they see only shadows

on the boundary of reason you lead a recovery
to stay in the lines at the cost of your sanity
you’re not meant to be like them

you will paint a reflection that you’ll never be
and you will die for brilliance veiled in foundations of lies and deceit
and you will hide everything about you that’s anything but flawless

you cut out the heart of the person you could’ve been
you trade in your conscience for somebody else’s skin
once altered to taste you’ll see what you’ve feared
the image you’ve sought for so many years
is far from as perfect as the things you used to see

and yet you still paint a reflection that you’ll never be
and you would die for brilliance veiled in foundations of lies and deceit
and once you hide everything about you that’s anything but flawless
and they have shattered an exception and that’s when you’ll see
they have won

we can only see
the beauty buried beneath
can’t you see my dear
you are all you have left to fear

like this you mean

you have embraced the awful
a petty excuse for an author
scripted a false conviction
cast out what you believed in

and here we are
a vain attempt to light the dark
you’ll never see that this is love
a constant chance to rise above
and we’re not coming down

you want to be the answer you’ve defined
and you won’t ever question why
so go ahead and revel in what you’ve revised
you didn’t change a thing this time

i had no doubt you would edit the meaning out
but like all clichés you will lie in the bed you’ve made

right your wrong and write yourself out
here we are, and we’re not coming down

you want to be the answer you’ve defined
and you won’t ever question why
so go ahead and revel in what you’ve revised
you didn’t change a thing this time

cast in the pattern

i’m just the letter lost and better left unfound
the vessel of redemption cut loose and run aground
i am the messenger that never made a sound

right now i might as well be lost in reverie
no cause left for the consciousness you ever could call me

content with defeat i tell myself that this is who i am
that i planned to be this apathetic
a pathetic lack of plans, i’ll resign with but a sigh
forget there ever was a reason why

i was trying to be something
in a home that doesn’t want me
it’s better being nothing
when it’s all i’ve ever been

right now i might as well be lost in reverie
no cause for the consciousness you ever could call me
i would rather die than live with what i’ll never become

…and to those who carry on

everybody meets their end
some will leave as they began
in a hospital bed at their time
sometimes we’re taken away
stolen back to where we came
i never believed you would die
at twenty nine

all along we’re meant for this
moving forward to exist
we live on and we will never be whole again
but i just wish you’d open your eyes and you’d wake up

and you’d see what you’ll never see
and this time all of our ends would meet
but it seems even the best of dreams will fade
and we all end up the same
only a memory

the sound of letting go

you preach to the deafened
your voices speak to no one
your droning drowns in its own decay
you fail your lessons
by mimicking the echoes
that cry for you to find your own way
you have defied them

this is everything that you deserve
know the horror of the wrong you’ve earned
when you’re the helplessness you sing about
only i can save you

so i hold in every breath
until the air in me begs to forget
that it ever found peace in my lungs
and it screams up my throat to my tongue
it forms the words that end this all
the moment beckoning to fall
with a wind bellowed deep from my chest
at last i’ve begun the collapse

i tremble with the sound of letting go
the wretched ring of everything i had in me
my heart unfurled, i exorcise the silence from this world

this is everything that you deserve
this is what you’ve forgotten

skyline

we have shrouded our lives
in the shadow of infinite night
but i still look to the skyline
and know we’ll see the light

a vague ambition

on the horizon, there’s a hope we’ll all amount to greater things
but we let the paths to them get broken
why do we accept that we’ll never reach an end
where vices and regrets are not the truth, and not the cure

this won’t ever stop, we are lying to ourselves

between the margins, there’s a marginal desire to be something
but we let the words written within them hold us back
why let this context become the meaning when it’s just
a pretense of abstract convictions never meant to be

we can’t help ourselves, can’t turn it around
this won’t ever stop, we are lying to ourselves

walls

act like you’re ashamed
that there’s nothing left inside your frame
but i know that you buried what once was deep inside a maze
sincerity led astray, you’re terrified
the face you show the world is who you really are
the crutch you call a name
safe in the haven of commonplace
you’re in a cycle you can’t escape

tear down the walls that confine us all and we can start again
tear down the walls, it’s so beautiful to be where we began

afraid of what’s behind
you loathe the other side
but it’s here you’ll feel awake
together we will tear down the walls, it’s a shame it got this far.

burned us alive

all the years that i stood rooted and strong
a monument atop the ridge you put me on
but i hear the machines rush in like a tide
and i know there’s no place that i can hide

i should have held my breath and saved a thread of mountain air
i should have known for so long that this day would come

and all that i wanted was a life hand in hand
where we fill in the spaces the best that we can
but the pain that i’m feeling, you won’t understand
and the limbs that you’ve severed, they will never mend

i should have held my breath and saved a thread of mountain air
i should have known for so long that this day would come

so i’ll forget the things that have filled me with pride
i’ll wander through dreams that have all but died
i’ll look to the sky but it’s not enough
the sun’s buried now under towers of lust
they have burned us alive

i should have held my breath and saved a thread of mountain air
i should have known for so long that this day would come
i should have held my breath and saved a thread of mountain air
they have burned us alive, they have burned us alive

in the morning

here you aren’t again
holding steadfast to the plan
turn your back on the way out
i know i can’t save you now

feel the pulse of disease
weigh on you like gravity
forge a fix with medicine
you’re not fixing anything

how could you truly believe
the ends justify the means
when you forgot what ends are for
and you can’t be anyone anymore

let the current steal you out to sea
like a fate forecast in a fever dream
sink down into your dark abyss
now the parasite of your own ailment
i’m still the sail you tore apart
floating in the wake, an abandoned ark
the sun will rise and lead me home
where i’m safe and sound, forever alone

you’ll always be the plague inside of me.

sleepwalker

what is happiness if you know nothing but a lie?
what is beautiful if you don’t open up your mind?

sleepwalking through life and you’re running out of time
your faith in the broadcast that everything you ever loved has died
sleepwalking through life…will this ever end?

an idle contradiction, a maverick marionette
you’ve heard it all but you haven’t listened yet
blind to the meaning but there’s something you forget
your perception is the gun to your head
and i’m wondering when you will ask yourself
what is obvious if you don’t open up your eyes and see again?

sleepwalking through life and you’re running out of time
your faith in the broadcast that everything you ever loved has died
sleepwalking through life…will this ever end?